


A Brother's Betrayal

by immortalbanner



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Established Relationship, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Joe washing Nicky's hair, M/M, Missing Scene, Nicky is angry at Booker, Post Merrick, Protective Nicky | Nicolò di Genova, for Booker at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:48:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26661694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immortalbanner/pseuds/immortalbanner
Summary: “I’ve been thinking a lot about what Booker said,” Joe said.Nicky looked at him and frowned. “Which thing exactly?”“How we have ‘always had each other’.” He expected Joe to snort but instead, his eyes casted down. “Do you think us being happy has just made him and Andy miserable?”--Or, Nicky is holding in a lot of anger at Booker for selling them out and is trying to find the right way to say it.
Relationships: Booker | Sebastien le Livre & Nicky | Nicolo di Genova, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 9
Kudos: 222





	A Brother's Betrayal

**Author's Note:**

> I am back again with a fic longer than intended. It also seems I can only write fic for The Old Guard now. I even made a dedicated folder on my computer separate from my other various fic folders. How did we get here? I don't know.
> 
> This is my take on how Nicky felt around Booker's betrayal since most things focus on Joe's. I feel like there isn't enough exploring Nicky's anger so I put this together after a surge of inspiration.

The drive to the England safe house was dead silent. In his place in the middle of the back seat, Nicky watched the city fly by. If he had to guess, it would take a little over an hour to drive to the safe house.

He tried to not rest his head against the seat, he could feel the blood clumping in the back of his head. It was sticky against his neck and the spot between his shoulder blades. He hated being shot in the head but he hadn’t been shot in the mouth like that before. Keane had pinned him down and before he could realise what was happening, the gun was shoved in his mouth and the trigger was pulled.

When he woke up, Joe was above him. He’d reached out to him, both to make sure it was really him, and to show him he was still there. He could picture the kind of strangled scream he would’ve made to see him get shot. No matter how many times they saw each other die, there was always a fear it would be the last time they saw each other.

In the space between when they’d fallen in love and meeting Andy and Quynh, before they’d found out their immortality would one day run out, they’d always promised each other one thing: _I will always come back, beloved. I will always come back for you._

Nicky still wanted to make that promise but he knew one day it would be broken, and whoever was left alive would be left in despair. It was a time neither of them wanted to think about but it always came up when one of them died.

Nile was staring out the window. He could see blood in her own hair. He was still in shock she’d jumped out of the building like that. The kid definitely had potential, the kind the team needed.

Booker seemed like he was trying to make himself smaller. They hadn’t said a word to each other that wasn’t more than shouting at the other for what to do when they were trying to take down Merrick’s army. When he, Joe, and Booker split off together to get Joe through the window, Joe had asked how his head was. Booker gaped at them and asked if Nicky had gotten shot. The only response he’d gotten was a glare from Joe, while Nicky had looked away as he held off on giving his own.

He wasn’t sure quite yet what he was going to eventually say to Booker. Rage had been building in the pit of his stomach. The betrayal felt like ice down his back. Hearing it had to do with him and Joe being happy together and always having each other hurt even more. Booker had no right to almost blame the two of them for not being miserable for his actions.

He’d kept that in. Joe was angry enough and while Nicky was just as angry, chewing him out when strapped down, not knowing Nile was going to be there soon, wouldn’t have solved anything. In that moment, the only thing Nicky could see was being strapped down for heaven knew how long.

Now he was free to say whatever he wanted. But right now, he was exhausted and wanted to get pieces of his brain and skull out of his hair.

Joe was still staring straight ahead. There was still days old blood all over him. They still hadn’t had the chance to hold each other properly in all of this. They had their own room in the safe house, they’d use that as their chance of privacy and holding the other as much as they possibly could. They’d both died enough times in those few days that Nicky needed to sleep for real and needed his Yusuf’s arms to get him through.

They reached the safe house, which was an abandoned house. The foliage was overgrown since they’d tried to keep it looking abandoned. They hadn’t been here since 2012. Nicky really hated England, from its godforsaken language to its cold weather. He usually preferred to go there as little as possible.

The car turned off and they all got out slowly. Nicky got out of the side Nile sat, where she was sat behind Joe. When he was finally face to face with him, Joe gave a tired smile. Nicky’s own eyes fell to his chest where the blood had faded slightly from where he was shot in the chest.

Joe held out his hand and Nicky took it. They walked into the safe house together, following behind Andy.

“I was thinking you guys wash up first since you have days of blood on you,” Andy said once they were through the main passage and in the kitchen. It was dusty and didn’t have a trace of food. It was definitely a frozen meal night. “Then you can take care of the shopping. We don’t have spare clothes for Nile so maybe go get some things for her too.”

They exchanged a look before nodding to Andy. It more or less went unsaid they’d shower together.

They typically didn’t shower together. Even after jobs. It was mostly only when one of them died on a mission, which wasn’t often. It was cathartic to watch the blood go away and see the other was still there and he wasn’t going anywhere.

Being tortured for a few days was also a good reason.

Their room had an en suite so it made things all that much easier. They both quietly stripped down, leaving their clothes on the bedroom floor. They would have spare clothes. They always kept plain clothes in safe houses that could pass for any recent decade. Plain t-shirts and jeans would look the same in any recent decade.

Their shower could barely fit two people, especially not two adult men. Their bodies squeezed together in the space. The water never got hot enough at this safe house, so it ran lukewarm down them.

He reached out to hold Joe’s face in his hands. He ran his thumbs across his cheekbones. There was blood in his beard he wanted to scrub out. He could already taste the iron if he tried to kiss him.

Joe put his hand of his, and turned his head to kiss his palm. “Can you pass me the shampoo?”

He nodded and reached above them to get the expired shampoo. He handed it to Joe and he kept his eyes on him as he put it in his hand.

His hands went to the back of his head and he gently scrubbed the spot at the back of his head. The water turned red as it ran down the drain.

Joe kept his fingers gentle, probably not enough to wash it out quickly. He knew Joe wasn’t doing it to take his time.

“I’m not going to break, Yusuf.”

His gorgeous brown eyes turned sad. “I know. It’s just… I hate seeing you get shot. He made sure to do it in a way that it hurt both of us. He pinned you to the ground Nicky.” His fingers had curled in his hair, staying in place and not even washing him anymore.

He swallowed and held his face in his hands again. “I know, but I’m here. I came back, hayati. Like I always do.” _Like I always will._

His eyes were still sad. “I killed him.”

“Of course you did.”

“I killed him with my bare hands. I made sure he would suffer.”

Of course he did. Everyone who had caused pain to Nicky always died in horrible ways at his Yusuf’s hand, and he’d done the same for him.

He smiled and pressed his lips to his, ignoring the expected metallic taste. He kissed him back gently and they pulled away.

When they’d been strapped down, he would’ve given anything to be able to hold him while they were cut open and dissected. He’d needed to kiss him better as a way to comfort him and tell him things were going to be okay.

Now he was desperate to make him know he was going to stay forever. He was never going to leave him. Even though there was no way to be sure of that, he had to for his own sanity.

He put his hands over Joe’s on his head. “Now wash my hair properly, please. I promise you it’s healed.”

He nodded and started to properly scrub his fingers through Nicky’s hair. He could feel how stiff his fingers went when Joe’s fingers would touch bone. He put his hands on his biceps and rubbed his thumb along them. Joe let out a sigh and continued to run his fingers through his hair.

It took a few washes to get everything out of his hair. The water still wasn’t running clear as they were both still covered in blood. Joe still had blood on his face and in his beard. Nicky picked up the face washer and took the bar of soap. He rubbed it into the face washer then put it to Joe’s beard. He felt him relax against his touch.

“Need to get this out so I can kiss you,” he said playfully, as an attempt to lighten the mood.

Joe smiled at him, his hand on his hips. He was rubbed his hip bone gently as he continued to wash his face and beard. The water turned a pale red.

“I miss your beard,” Joe said lightly, moving his hands to his face. His thumb ran across his jaw. “Even when you barley groomed it.”

Nicky smiled, meeting his eye. “It was hard to manage.”

“You’re the one with straight hair, babe. It’s meant to be easier.”

“I’m aware.” When he was sure all the blood was out of his beard, he leaned forward and kissed him. “You pull it off better.”

“Hm, maybe I should shave it.”

“And I will kill you if you do.”

Joe laughed against his skin and it made him feel like his body was buzzing. He wanted so desperately to stay in there forever and never leave his love’s arms. He never wanted to see him die again and instead take him far away so they were away from anyone who wanted to use them for their own gain.

A lot of the blood had already washed away in the water and Nicky had been worse off so they were able to wash off the rest of the blood quickly. They took their time, just so they could enjoy the intimacy.

When the last bit of blood was gone, they stayed in the shower for a few more minutes, holding each other and brushing their lips against the other’s skin.

When they finally were able to let each other go long enough to get out, dry themselves off, and get dressed, they walked back downstairs. Joe’s curls were still wet and going in every direction. It made Nicky want to try and fix them up with his own hands. Nicky’s hair was easier to dry, and Joe had ran the towel through it a few times before he’d brushed it out with his fingers so he wouldn’t have to leave the house with knots in his hair. The goal was to make it look like they hadn’t spent the past few days strapped down and bloody.

Booker wasn’t in the lounge room when they got downstairs and Nicky didn’t want to see him yet. He still had so much to say and it wasn’t the time.

Andy gave them the money and car keys so they could go get everything they needed. Joe took it upon himself to drive. It was no different to when they’d met and had only had one horse. Yusuf had always wanted to be the one in control of her and Nicolò would enjoy holding onto his body. That haunted him for months before they’d admitted their feelings to each other.

Now they just held hands over the console. It wasn’t the same but it made him remember those old days. He’d forgotten so many things in his time but he did his best to hold onto everything with Joe.

“Should we get pain killers for Andy?” Nicky asked when they pulled up to a small Tesco and Joe killed the engine.

Joe snorted. “She probably wouldn’t take it.”

“I know but just to have and we can make her.”

Joe laughed, his head falling back. Nicky would forever find music in that sound. “We could wear her down. But you know how stubborn she is.”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Now come on, I don’t want to keep them waiting.”

They grabbed a trolley and walked down to the frozen food section. Nicky wasn’t really in the mood to scrape together real food and cook for the night. He hated frozen food and would rather starve than have to eat it. Joe always convinced him to eat in the end.

They picked out a few frozen meals they recalled tasting decent. Some beef thing that would stay frozen in the middle and was hard to chew. Maybe after a good nights sleep in Joe’s arms Nicky will feel up to cooking real food.

They held hands as they walked through the shop. They usually kept their casual public displays of affection minimal. Nicky pegged it on how they couldn’t have it for so long. There was never a clear transition between people not being okay with it and when people started to be. He recalled that short time in university in the 1990s where a classmate saw him with Joe after he dropped him off and had asked as casual as possible asked if that was his ‘life partner’. Nicky had almost laughed at the choice of words before he said he was. It was nice actually admitting it for once, rather than using whatever recent lie.

The touch for now served as a constant reminder that the other was there and they weren’t still strapped in a lab. It was almost like gravity. They both needed something to clutch on and they always had each other.

They went to get clothes for Nile. They’d have to take her for a proper clothes shopping trip later. Neither of them were sure what twenty-something American girls in this century liked.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what Booker said,” Joe said in Italian as they looked over the jackets. It would probably rain, a bomber jacket would be useful. They’d also decided to go with a red knit shirt and picked up some earrings. They wanted her to feel welcomed into their family, and it was one way to show it.

Nicky looked at him and frowned. “Which thing exactly?”

“How we have ‘always had each other’.” He expected Joe to snort but instead, his eyes casted down. “Do you think us being happy has just made him and Andy miserable?”

Him mentioning Andy made Nicky remember what she’d said in the lab. How she and Booker had been doing a shit job at controlling how they lived. How it seemed she almost wanted to make a point he and Joe were excluded from that.

When they’d lost Quynh, he and Joe had done their best to be less affectionate around Andy. They’d been so worried that so much as a squeezed shoulder would make her think of her own lover and miss her beyond belief. When she’d noticed they hadn’t even been cuddling as they’d slept, she’d told them that she was fine and they could continue to be endlessly in love with each other. Even after that, they’d tried to kiss when she wasn’t around and kept cuddling for sleep.

“I don’t know, Yusuf. I don’t think it’s exactly fair to say we’re at fault. We both just got incredibly lucky and we shouldn’t be made to feel bad about that.”

“We’re beyond lucky,” he muttered. “Sometimes I think that if I hadn’t had you I would’ve been like Quynh until she and Andy found me.”

He nodded, thinking about how his world would’ve been shattered if he hadn’t had Joe even as a companion every night. A presence that assured him he would never be alone. “Me too.”

It hadn’t felt like they had been lucky during the beginning. It felt like a cruel twisted joke. Yet he and Joe were able to work things out for the best. Maybe more. They’d found love in an unlikely place and sometimes it felt like it was laid out for them.

“There’s still so much I want to say to Booker,” Joe said, picking out a white bomber jacket. “I mean, he was our brother and he betrayed us for what? Because he felt so lonely that he wanted to die? It could’ve been only him in the lab but he had to drag all of us into it.”

Nicky nodded. They still needed to find Nile pants. “There’s… so much I want to say to him too. I had no idea he was so miserable. How hadn’t we noticed? Should’ve we?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. He always drank but I never thought it was anything more.”

Nicky sighed and looked back up at Joe. “Me either, are we bad friends for not realising that?” Maybe that was what Booker meant, they were too wrapped up in each other to notice other’s around them. They were a pair at that point, even during their year off there was no question they would be together throughout the whole time. Andy had even asked where they were going, like they were one person. Nicky preferred to see them as two people tied together but still their own people.

“I don’t know, I really don’t.” Another sigh. “I’m not even sure what we’re going to do with him now. It’s not like we can let him off with an apology.”

Joe shook his head. “Of course not, and Andy would definitely agree. But what exactly?”

“Guess we’ll have to figure that part out. We could kill him until we get tired.”

“Ruthless, babe.”

“Or we could… just not see him for a while. He has to learn what it’s like to be alone. We found him not that long after he’d died after all. It’s nothing like what Andy and Quynh had gone through. Even us.” It had taken two centuries for Andy and Quynh to find them. That was more to do with travel taking far longer.

Joe was silent for a few moments. Nicky had known him long enough to know he was rolling the idea in his head. “How long?”

“200 years maybe?”

“Andy would be dead by then.”

“I know. She could die any time soon really. We don’t really know what happens when the immortality ends but you survive the wound. It’s not like with Lykon.”

Joe nodded. “Let’s talk about this at home. But an exile isn’t the worst idea.”

They found pants for Nile, picked up some chocolate and extra bandages, and ignored the curious expression from the cashier at the combination of items.

* * *

The mattress in their bed at the safe house was old and hard and lumpy. The blanket was scratchy and thin and didn’t provide enough warmth for even the English summer.

Joe cuddling Nicky from behind and holding him to his chest, which did provide some warmth. Whenever they were without a real bed, Joe would draw Nicky to his chest and it was the closest to a blanket for the both of them.

Joe was still snoring lightly behind him. His arms were loose on his hips, enough that he could slip out of them without disturbing him. Usually when they were between jobs he’d stay in his arms like this for as long as possible. Maybe try to tighten his grip on him and wait for him to wake up to kiss his shoulder or the base of his neck.

That morning though, he wanted to get out of bed and have the strongest coffee possible.

He carefully got out of his arms and put on the old pair of slippers. He fixed the sheets over Joe before walking downstairs.

He moved around the kitchen for a few minutes, the old moka pot already on the stove. He rested his back against the counter as he waited for it to be ready.

When the steam started to come from the pot, he poured it into an old mug he had to scrub the dust off. He didn’t add sugar or milk, he needed it black that morning.

He heard the sound of footsteps and saw Andy emerge into the room. Her hair hadn’t been brushed, there were dark circles under her eyes, and it looked like she’d slept in the clothes she’d changed into yesterday.

More or less, she looked like shit.

“Morning,” he said as cheerily as he could.

She looked at him with dead eyes. “Good morning.”

“Are you okay?”

“Just a little pain.”

He nodded. “You could always—”

“I’m not swallowing that shit you and Joe got me.”

He didn’t argue.

Andy went to make her own coffee, using old instant coffee instead of cleaning out the moka pot. Usually he’d have something to say about it but for today, he’d leave it.

“Joe still in bed?” she asked, taking a long sip of her coffee after she poured the hot water and sitting herself on the counter.

“Yeah, I didn’t want to wake him.”

She looked at him curiously. “That’s unlike you.”

“We’re not attached at the hip, Andy.” He said it with more force than he intended. Andy had spent centuries joking about how the two of them were always together. It was fine to laugh off but after what Booker had said it made him think twice.

Andy seemed to notice. “You okay?”

He was going to say he was because it was too early to discuss anything deeper than a puddle. He still hadn’t dressed and the sun was barely up.

Instead he said, “Does me and Joe being happy really cause that much pain?”

Andy eyed him, a frown deepening. “What do you mean?”

He looked down at his coffee. “In the lab yesterday, Booker made that comment about how he and I always had each other. I guess I took that to mean him seeing us happy hurts him. Or something like that.”

He could feel Andy watching him. He looked back up at her to see her kick off of the counter and walked towards him, leaving the coffee behind. “I’ll be completely honest with you. It doesn’t make me miserable but am I jealous? Of course I fucking am, who wouldn’t be? How many people can say they’ve had the love of their life for as long as you two have?”

He thought about reminding her that she’d had Quynh, then decided against it when he’d remembered how long they’d been apart. “That’s not our fault.”

“No, of course it isn’t. But even taking into account how you guys started, you guys got lucky. Even if you’d never fallen in love you’d have been lucky. I don’t think Booker is angry at you for it but you two will never fully understand what the loneliness felt like when you realised you didn’t die like you were meant to.”

He thought about making a quip about how he’d felt so empty when he’d realised he couldn’t die and the sheer confusion of not being able to kill Joe not matter how many times they drew their blades into each other. How he was drowning in confusion of why it was him and someone he’d been taught to see as an enemy. Why God wasn’t allowing him to join Him in Heaven.

He didn’t say any of that aloud.

Andy spoke instead. “Don’t get me wrong, I know it still would’ve been hard. But it’s not like what we went through. Booker, he just really wanted to die. I don’t think his intention was for any of us to end up in that lab. Just… maybe start to count your blessings.”

“We do.” Every single day because one of those days the other won’t be there anymore and they’d be saddled with an amount of grief he couldn’t even being to conceive. “I promise you, we do.”

They fell into a silence. His coffee was cooling in his palms so he took a sip of it. He hated lukewarm coffee.

Sometimes he had to wonder why he was the one to get so lucky. He’d never done anything particularity good in his life to remotely deserve the life that had been handed to him. He’d seen people talk about being in awe lovers made it to fifty years. In a mortal life, that would be something to hope for. He wasn’t sure what lucky gave him almost twenty times that.

He heard the sound of footsteps and watched as Booker silently walked into the kitchen. Nicky watched as he got his own coffee, the same instant one Andy used. Andy had casted her eyes down and Booker’s eyes was on anything but Nicky.

He thought about everything he had to say to him. He thought about Joe’s own rage. He thought about how he had been ready to kill him just to get the anger bubbling in him out. It would’ve been counterproductive but it would’ve been satisfying.

Seeing Booker made him recall so many things. Hearing Joe’s screams as the doctor would dig into him. Both of them being sedated due to yelling too much as the other gave those screams of pain. The threats of being separated which would’ve been much worse and easily handed leverage to those people.

He remembered how crushed Joe had look over his betrayal. When they’d met Booker, the first of them he’d gotten along best with was Joe. Their personalities meshed so well together they were brothers within a year.

He’d done so many good things for all of them in the years. His history as a forger gave them all the fake identifications they’d needed for the modern world. He’d even gone to the trouble to make Dutch ones so Nicky and Joe could get married in the Netherlands when it became legal. He’d almost been insistent on making them.

He’d made Nicky fake documents so he could go to university just because he had gotten bored and wanted to try it for fun.

He’d pretended to be Andy’s husband when they were in Paris on Valentine’s Day in 2018 as a way to get free champagne after Nicky and Joe were able to get some.

He’d barreled himself in front of Joe when he’d almost gotten shot before Nicky had been able to get the guys with his sniper. Although, now he was wondering if it was because he was desperate to die.

He didn’t stay in the kitchen long. He poured in the hot water, gave it a quick stir, and left without adding sugar and milk. He took it black like he did.

He disappeared into the lounge room, leaving him and Andy alone again, a tension in the silence.

He pressed his lips together and drank the rest of his coffee in a few chugs. He set it in the sink and walked into the lounge room.

Booker had sat himself in the armchair. His back was took him and he was bent over his lap.

The sensible thing to do was go back upstairs. Maybe take a shower. Maybe join Joe in bed again and put his mind entirely on him instead. That’s what he wanted to do.

But he had to talk to Booker. He hadn’t said a single word to him. It was probably the longest they’d gone without talking whilst being in the same house together. Even during the year off they’d sent a lot of emails, updating each other on what was happening and where they were.

Before he’d lost his nerve, he cleared his throat. Booker shot up and turned his head to look at him. Judging by the drawn eyebrows he hadn’t expected him to come and talk to him.

“Good morning,” he said, his arms limp on his sides.

Booker stared at him. “Good morning.”

He stood in place for a few moments before moving to sit on the couch adjacent to the armchair. Booker’s eyes followed him as he moved.

He sunk onto the couch and let his hands fall into his lap. They sat in silence for a few moments, ignoring each other’s gaze. He still wasn’t sure how he was going to approach this. All the thoughts had been swimming in his head for so long he had to get it out. Hopefully more eloquently than how Joe had called him ‘pathetic’ and ‘selfish’ in his pain.

Booker was the first to speak. “Sleep okay?”

“I’ve slept better.”

He looked at him and saw Booker’s eyes had drawn back to his lap. Nicky chewed his lip.

“Okay, get it out,” Booker said. “I know you’ve been holding back.”

He didn’t bother to hold back his snort. “That’s an understatement.”

He noticed how Booker’s shoulders were tense. _Good_ , he thought spitefully.

“Why, Book?”

He sighed. “It wasn’t meant to happen like that. Copley was meant to get samples from South Sudan but they were contaminated.”

“Samples of _us_?” Sometimes he really fucking hated modern medicine.

Booker just nodded. “Then they wanted all of us. I would’ve willingly given myself up but he wanted all of us. Andy especially. So… I just gave in. I told Copley where we were. Then they only took you and Joe since Andy wasn’t there and the grenade hit me. So we had to change plans to get there to save you guys. I… I know it was a piece of shit thing to do. It just spiraled out of control.”

“That’s not an excuse, Sébastien.”

He flinched. He didn’t blame him. Nicky only really used their real names when he wanted to get as personal as possible. He called Joe ‘Yusuf’ a lot of the time because he’d been Yusuf when they’d met, and now it served to be more intimate. Like how Joe would still call him Nicolò.

When he’d called Andy ‘Andromache’ in the lab, it’d been the first time in God knew how long. Enough years that the name was unfamiliar on his tongue. It that moment, calling her ‘Andy’ hadn’t felt like enough.

Calling Booker ‘Sébastien’ had an obvious intent; he’d wanted to hurt him. There was no intimacy in calling him his real name, it was like scolding a child. That’s what it felt like he was doing. Booker may be over 200 but Nicky had so many more centuries on him. Andy had said he was still basically a baby. Nicky and Joe had always seen him as a little brother, filling a void that used to have their own younger siblings.

“I know it’s not an excuse, Nicky. I know.” Then he huffed. “At least you had Joe, right? Because apparently nothing can keep the two of you apart.”

His jaw clenched. His tone was the same as when he’d told them they’d always had each other. “Would’ve you wanted something like that to happen to your wife?” It was a cruel dig but his rage was slowly building up that he’d needed to get more personal than just his name. It was petty but it still didn’t measure to what Booker had done.

Booker flinched. “That’s not fair, Nicky.”

“No, you know what’s not fair? I had to listen to Yusuf die. Over and over and over and over and _over_ again. Because you are so goddamn selfish.” He huffed. “I’m sorry you lost your family, I really am. I’m sorry that me and Joe being happy makes you miserable. It still doesn’t make what you did okay. And for the record, we have lost people. We lost our families too, just because we didn’t have a fucking wife and kids waiting for us at home doesn’t mean we didn’t lose loved ones.”

Booker shook his head. “I’ve never thought that but do you even remember your family anymore? You’ve had 900 years with Joe. Even when your family would’ve died, you have always had each other. I didn’t have that, Andy didn’t have that. You’ve always had each other and you should count yourself lucky.”

He stared at him before shaking his head. “What? Do you think the second Yusuf and I realised we weren’t going to kill each other that we… fucking rode off on horses into the sunset? We still tried to kill each other even when we knew it wouldn’t stick. We only stayed together because we thought it was some greater divine calling. We were on opposite sides of a fucking war! It’s not like we exactly fell in love immediately.”

“Didn’t you say it took a year?”

He threw his hands in the air. “That was still months of not liking each other and being at each other’s throats because, again, different fucking sides! You don’t know the awful shit I was taught… that I thought about Joe and his people to justify invading Jerusalem. Yusuf had no reason to even forgive me before I realised, of fuck, maybe _we’re_ the bad guys.” He sighed. “You’re still basically a baby compared to the rest of us and I get it’s still hard to deal with grief but please, stop acting like you’re the only one who’s gone through anything. I never got to meet my sister’s kids, or go to any family funerals. Neither could Joe. We’d been gone for so long at that point that if someone we knew had seen we were alive and hadn’t aged a day, something would’ve happened. Something bad. We’ve lost so much and we’ve had to learn to live with that. It was hard as hell but it’s what we had to do.” He let out a sigh as his voice had gone hoarse.

Booker was silent, staring at his lap again.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Nicky focused his eyes on the window, looking out into the overgrown garden.

“I sometimes forget how old you guys are,” Booker said. He looked at him to see he was looking at him again. “I know you guys are old and have seen a lot but it’s still hard to really grasp.”

He nodded. “Of course. 200 is still old but… Book, Joe and I are almost 1000. Andy is over 6000. Of course we’ve both lost things. Sure, me and Joe could’ve gone home to see our families who thought we were dead but what do you think would’ve happened? It was religious times so either the church would’ve thought one or both of us were possessed, or that Joe had done something to me to keep me alive. For all I know I would’ve been sent back to fight and just keep dying until I was the only one left standing. It hurt so much but there was no choice. There’s also the part where I would’ve brought home my male Muslim lover but that’s a whole other conversation.”

Booker looked at him and he saw how his eyes were full of regret. He wanted to at least be a little sympathetic. He would’ve understood the pain of having to live when you lost everyone around you but not enough where he was so desperate to die that he was okay with dragging the rest of them into it. How his and Joe’s happiness seemed to almost be a nuisance.

He stood up. “Andy’s not going to let you off with just an apology.”

“I know.”

“We’re probably going to have to spend the day figuring out what we’re going to do. I probably won’t forgive you for a long time.”

Forgiveness was inevitable but he couldn’t guess how long it would take. Joe would probably be the first of the two of them, he’d forgiven him over joining the Crusades after all. Nicky could be stubborn and hold his resentment for a long time. It was going to be a long time before he can even consider Booker his brother again.

Booker had gone back into sinking in his chair. Nicky decided he’d just leave him, he won’t really have to see him again until later.

He walked through the main foyer to see Nile sitting on the stairs. She was staring down at her phone. He guessed it was at a picture with how she was gripping the phone and the sadness in her eyes.

“Good morning.”

She shot her head up. Her hair was out of the cornrows she’d had and was letting it remain in its natural state. “Morning.”

“You okay?”

She nodded. “Just… thinking about my family.”

“Yeah, that’s going to happen. I’m sorry. It’s technically easier to let them go but it doesn’t make it any less hard.”

She eyed him for a moment. “How’s Booker?”

“He’ll live.”

He didn’t intend for it to be a joke but Nile laughed a little. “I feel like I’ve walked in on seriously bad family drama.”

“You kind of have. But you’ll adapt. We’re all family here and you can be part of it if you want.”

She looked back down at her phone. He could guess what she was thinking. _I want my real family._

He moved and sat next to her on the stairs. The house was old so instead of the stairs being carpeted, it was old wood that creaked under his weight. “I think the saddest part it is that it goes by too quickly. You kind of forget about time when you don’t age. Then the next thing you realise everyone you’d known has aged and you’re still the same.”

“What happened to your family?” Nile asked. “Do you even know?”

“I know my sister had kids. Whether any great-great-great-whatever nieces or nephews are running around is something I’m not sure of. I didn’t keep track and there’s no way to really know. I’d love to know but I can’t. Joe thinks about it a lot, he had three siblings so that maximises the amount of descendants.”

“I’d imagine.”

He nodded. “I don’t know, sometimes I wished my family died with me. My sister had used to talk about being a nun after I became a priest but she fell in love with this boy who swept the Monastery I ministered at.”

She pulled her eyes from her phone and stared at him. “Okay, there’s a lot to unpack there.”

He laughed, throwing his head back slightly. “I wasn’t a priest anymore when I met Joe, don’t worry. And chastity actually wasn’t technically a requirement.”

“What about being gay?”

“Well, definitely not allowed. But plenty of men in the Monastery didn’t exactly listen to that. Something very tempting about the Crusades for many was being forgiven of all sin, even any you made in the future.”

She stared at him, a small smile creeping on her lips. “Is that why you joined the Crusades? So you could be gay and go to heaven?”

“I can think of worse reasons a person would fight in the Crusades. Don’t recommend it, completely regret it, but my reasoning definitely wasn’t the worst out there.”

She laughed. “I still haven’t fully processed that, how you’re that old.”

“Or how Joe and I have been together for that long?”

“Yeah, that too.”

He nodded. “We never actually get to say how long we’ve been together. We always have to tell people lies. My favourite is that we met in university in our first year as international students. And that our English was so bad that we just talked to each other in Italian or Arabic.”

She rose a brow at him. “You speak Arabic?”

“Of course. Joe taught it to me when we’d first set out together because we were in the Middle East. I couldn’t have him constantly translate everything for me. Speaking of, you do need to get started on learning some languages if you don’t know many. It’ll help when we start traveling a lot for jobs. What languages do you speak?”

“Uh… English?”

“Obviously. What else?”

“I took Spanish in high school. I got a B+.”

His face fell. “Well, that’s a start.”

“Not really, I don’t remember much beyond the basics. Sorry.”

He shook his head but made sure to smile. “It’s fine. We’ll work on it. Booker took a couple decades to get competent at Italian. Which is probably where we should start.”

“Yeah, Andy said you’d probably say that and said I should say no just so I can avoid hearing you two flirt constantly.”

He laughed again, throwing his head back further. “Okay, that’s fair.”

He glanced towards the upper level. Joe would usually be up by now or getting up soon. He stood up. “We’ll talk more later. I’m going to go check on Joe.”

She smiled at him and nodded. “Okay, see you.”

He walked to his and Joe’s room and when he opened the door, he saw Joe was still in bed. He’d turned onto his back and was staring up at the ceiling.

He frowned. “Joe? You okay?” He crawled onto the bed, propping himself up onto his elbow.

Joe looked at him and sighed. “Part of me was hoping I’d dreamed all of what Booker had done.” The defeat in his voice was hard to hear. He wrapped an arm over Joe’s stomach and pulled him closer, kissing his cheek.

“I know. It’s all awful, hayati. I had a good yell at him.”

“I know, I heard you.”

“Oh. I didn’t mean to be loud.”

“Thin walls, babe.”

“Right.”

He turned onto his side and his brown eyes were so sad. “He was our brother, Nicolò.”

“I know.”

“I just still don’t understand how he could’ve done this.”

“I know, Yusuf.”

He let out a long sigh. “I guess I have to get up eventually.”

He smiled at him, kissing his cheek. “Guess so. I don’t know if Andy has any ideas of what to do with him yet.”

“Have you told her about your 200 year exile idea?”

“Not yet.”

“Well, you should. We should.”

He nodded. “Lets get dressed then, I want to get it all over with.”

* * *

They ended up going to a pub to sort out Booker’s punishment. Booker waited outside where they could see him through the window. Joe sat across from Nicky next to Nile. Nile kept looking out the window to where Booker stood.

Out of all of them, Nile was saying the least. She still seemed to feel she was intruding on a personal family matter. They still asked for her opinion, even if it was just a shrug she would give in response, or attempting her push that he could simply apologise. She’d only known Booker for a few days so it was fair she wasn’t completely comfortable with waging in on what punishment to give him.

“Guys, 200 years is way too long to exile him,” Andy said, resting her chin in her hand. Nile had moved to take a phone call from Copley but Nicky could guess she was going to go stand outside with Booker over coming back.

“But exile isn’t a bad idea?” Joe asked.

“Honestly? It feels almost too easy. You guys will probably see it as a blink at this point.”

“No, you would. For us it might be akin to two years,” Nicky said.

He looked at Joe and saw how he was looking outside to where Booker stood. He bumped his foot against his.

That got his focus back. “Is 200 really too much?”

“When you’re 200 probably, yes,” Andy said. “What about 100 instead? We half it. It’s not twice his lifetime but it’d still have an impact.” Andy took a sip of her drink. “I am surprised you guys are just going with exile. You guys went through pretty traumatic shit.”

“We’re fine, Andy,” said Nicky.

“Yeah, boss. We’ve probably seen worse,” Joe added.

That was a blatant lie from both of them. They’d seen war, they’d seen death, they’d seen brutal shit in their 900 years. But the other in pain was always the hardest thing to see. There were very few things that topped it. Joe’s screams as he watched Nicky get cut open and dissected still rung in his ears. Nicky seeing Joe get forcibly killed by cut off limbs and poison that made him have seizures and foam at the mouth were images that had been plaguing his mind. Soon, one of them was going to wake up shaking and the other would have to hold him until he’d calmed down.

But for the most part they were okay. They didn’t need to worry Andy or Nile, and they really didn’t want to use it as strikes against Booker. They were furious at him but they both doubted he’d intended on any of that happening to them. That was the fault of a sadistic doctor.

“100 years, how’s that?” Andy asked. “You guys meet him here 100 years from now?”

He looked at Joe who looked back at him. 100 years would still have an impact. Hopefully, at least.

There was still the elephant of Andy’s mortality in the room. But maybe that would serve as an extra punishment to Booker. Even though neither of them wanted Andy hurt in the process. But options were limited when they were deciding what to do to someone who had betrayed them.

“100 years sounds good,” Joe said.

Nicky nodded. “I agree. 100 years.”

They watched from the stairs as Andy talked to Booker at the shore. All the rage Nicky felt bubbled to the surface and he glared at Booker from where he stood. He was glad he had been able to get his words out but he had nothing more to say to him. Booker could watch them leave. There was nothing more for them to say to each other.

Andy walked back to them after hugging Booker. When she reached the stairs, he and Nile walked up the stairs. He noticed Joe stayed back, probably to pat Andy on the back. Probably to give Booker one more look. Nicky didn’t, simply because he knew if he did he wouldn’t leave. Despite his anger, Booker had still been his brother for two centuries.

He felt an all too familiar hand in his and a squeeze. He held back a tired sigh as he intertwined his and Joe’s fingers.

“This is going to be hard,” Joe muttered.

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I’m sorry you’ll have no one to watch football with.”

It got a laugh which was enough. “It’s fine. I’ll manage fine enough.”

Joe got into the drivers seat and Nicky took the passenger as Nile and Andy sat in the back. They had to go meet Copley about something. He wanted them to see some stuff he’d found on them. They weren’t really in a place where they’d trusted him but the man was well aware if they’d wanted to, they could kill him.

Nicky watched Joe as he drove. He half expected him to pull over and suggest they go back to get Booker. In his heart though, he knew he wouldn’t. The one line that must never be crossed when it came to the two of them was causing the other to be in pain. Nicky could take any pain and so could Joe but the other’s pain hurt more. Booker putting them in a situation where both of the were in pain shattered all the trust they’d built.

Nicky noticed Joe’s hand was resting on the console. He looked at it before taking it in his own. This time, he squeezed Joe’s hand.

Joe squeezed back. In those simple touches, it was an assurance things would end up okay. They will eventually. Maybe forgiveness will take its sweet time but part of him also knew that they’d soon miss Booker and it’d really be a punishment for all of them. It still felt cruel that was the last time he’d seen Andy. But there still had to be a price. That was the one thing they’d all agreed on.

He stared out the window for the rest of the drive, keeping Joe’s hand in his and Booker out of his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Comments and kudos always appreciated!


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